"Come down and waste away with me..."

Title: Everlong (Acoustic) - Foo Fighters.

So, it's been a while :) Ah who cares, nobody reads this anyway. I just like to pretend that I have friends.

You know what I've realised? I'm a flake when it comes to things like journals and blogs and social networking sites. Pretty much anything to do with my personal life. Well, as personal as one can be online. I never EVER finish my diaries, even though I've had a journal since I was like 7 or 8. I remember it well. It had a teddy bear on the front and a little lock. I even remember my first entry. It was christmas and I was upset because I got an Anastasia doll, but I lost one of her shoes, and also my sisters wouldn't play with me. But then I went back and changed it so it was like this;

'I lost found Anastasia's shoe, and now nobody mummy will play with me.'

But I have a tumblr now too http://pancreasfail.tumblr.com/. Let's see how long these last.

So I'm really into this vlog at the minute. Check it out on Youtube, just type 'Community Channel' into the search box and there's like over 200 videos on the channel. It's by a girl called Natalie Tran, and her videos are absolutely hilarious and skillfully made. Go see.

Knee ache, so I'm going to settle down now for bed. Shit. I totally have to read two plays by Sam Sheperd tonight. Fail.

xxx

"Throughout the night, no need to fight, never a frown with Goden Brown

Title: Golden Brown - The Stranglers

So, a couple of things.

My blood sugars have been low, and I mean around 4.4, which is good (excellent blood sugars should range between 4 and 7) but I don't know how. Two hours ago they were 8.7 or something two hours after I'd eaten, but I haven't done any insulin or exercise so I don't know why they would half that quickly. Maybe I'm not really Diabetic and they're just lying to me so they can get my blood :O. Not really. Shame. I haven't really changed my diet, and I haven't started an exercise regime or anything, so why are they going so low? I'm not complaining, I'm just a little confused.

I am spending Christmas with my Daddy. He's going to come over and just spend the day with me. He also said he might buy me a tattoo as a Christmas present, which is symbolic because he bought me my first tattoo for my 18th birthday. I want to get a little swallow on my neck behind my ear. It will be cool :) But I'm actually looking forward to it now. Yay. I don't what else to get him, but I'm making him a mix CD (he likes mix CDs) with some punk, some classic rock, some obscure stuff, and some old reggae and ska stuff we used to listen to when I was little. Man, listening to it really takes me back. You should check out 'Black Pearl' by Horace Faith, 'Montego Bay' by Freddie Notes & the Rudies, 'Return of Django' by The Upsetters and anything by Desmond Dekker.

As of 3am last night, I am on a mission to resurrect more 1920s-1940s slang into my everyday vocabulary, like 'broad' and 'taking a powder' and stuff. Just 'cause I'm cool.

My dissertation presentation is progressing pretty well. I have about 800 words or something and 6 slides. Oh shit, I need to find a clip. Maybe the scene from the end of Raging Bull. Thanks for reminding me. But I'm going over to my friend Lisa's tomorrow to work on it. Lisa is like, the only other person in my year who does the same course as me. Well, there's like one or two others but I don't really know them, and they don't really turn up. She's really cool.

So, it's getting cold now. So today I wore a flowery mini dress I got for £7, yes £7, in New Look like two years ago, but I'm a bit boobier now so I have to put a black vest under it, and a brown waist belt to give me curves. I rocked it with black boot, a black cardi, a big black hoodie and two pairs of tights, with a pair of socks over it. I'm toasty.

Okey dokey, going to watch Harry Potter 6 soon, so I'll see you later.

xxx

"Tangerine tangerine, living reflection from a dream..."

Title: Tangerine - Led Zeppelin

This tune is truly epic. I first heard it at the end of the film Almost Famous. It's track 7 from Zeppelin III, and it makes me want to stand on a cliff over looking the sea in Celtic areas of Britain.

Diabetes is such a pain in the arse illness. I don't mean to sound self-pitying or whatever because, you know, shit happens. I just mean that it's so much effort, especially if you're a lazy bummer student like me. But I mean, I made an appointment at my Doctors in Bangor to sort my prescription out, and I wanted to see a Doctor but the reception assumed that because I was a student I'd want to see the nurse or something. So I went there on Friday and had my appointment, but the nurse was like "come back on monday to have some bloods taken so we have a base outline of your HbA1C and shit" or something to that effect. I was like, 'hold up. I've been at this Doctors for three years and only now you're asking for blood tests?' I didn't say that really but I would've if I wasn't chicken shit afraid of this nurse.

So, I had my blood taken this morning, and initially they put the needle (teehee, I typed noodle then by mistake) in my right arm where there's normally more blood. But because I have really skinny arms they couldn't find a vein big enough so after digging around (literally) they moved to my other arm which was easier. Then they told me I needed to provide another sort of sample and get it in by the end of the week, as well as making an appointment for a weeks time to discuss my results. Drag. I'm registered at two hospitals and a doctor, I have a specialist Diabetes doctor back whom who I love, so why do I need blood here too? Do they not have phones or email to send each other my results instead of persistantly stealing my blood? Anyway, I got in and took the sticky cotton pad things off my arms but they hirt like a bitch coming off and left big gluey marks on my arms. I just spent like 20 minutes in the shower scrubbing them off, and then when I got out I ad to finish them off with a face wipe. Now though, I have big blue bruises and red needle marks so I'm going to look like a junkie for the rest of the week.

Apparently, the Coca-Cola Christmas advert was on TV on yesterday during X-Factor. Now I don't have a TV at Uni, and if I did I probably wouldn't be watching X-Factor. I guess that means Christmas is coming. Even though it's still only NOVEMBER. I can't be bothered with Christmas. This year my mum is spending it in Runcorn with her boyfriend Alan, and my sister is spending it with her boyfriend Tom, and I got the offer to stay in Runcorn but I'm not for three reasons:

1. My Ma has really annoyed me recently with the way she's handled, or not handled my sister being hospitalised.
2. I want to be at my own house on Christmas day. I want to be comfortable and able to slob around in my 'jamas all day and be really lazy.
3. My Dad lives by himself too, so I'm getting him to come round and spend the day with me. Just hanging out and watching crap TV and maybe have some form of Christmas dinner. I'm going to ring him tomorrow I think.

To be honest, I am gutted that I probs won't see my Ma on that day but never mind eh? It may mean that I can open a few of my presents when I see her. If I see her. Meh. I'm just glad I get to hang out with my Dad and have some kind of Christmas dinner (we didn't have one last year because my Mum was working). God, Christmas is depressing.

I have my dissertation presentation on friday. Nervous as hell. More about the question section rather than the actual presentation. I'm going to do some work on it now for an hour or so I think. I want to try and get an early night as I want to get up early tomorrow but I had a can of Pepsi a second ago so that seems unlikely. Oh well, more time to do work. Or watch Youtube videos and stupid films online.

It's started getting really cold now. It was frosty this morning. I could see my breath when I looked out my bedroom window. I guess it's time to break out the winter wardrobe, which is for me essentially mini dresses with cardigans, thick tights or leggings and boots.

Gonna go do work now.

TTYL

Oh God, I actually put TTYL didn't I? SHAME.

xxx

"We chase misprinted lies, we face the path of time..."

Title: Nutshell - Alice in Chains

Oh Layne Stanley, your voice fills my soul with a melancholic remembering of something I've never known. Or some shit like that. Anyway, due to lack of sleep this blog is going to be somewhat of a morose one.

The Haiku of an Insomniac

Fucking Mocking Chirping Birds

As I Have Not Slept

Taunt Me With Their Cheerful Twitter

I haven't slept yet. There are many thing floating around my head; keeping me awake and stressing me out. Stupid little niggling things that persistanly linger in the back of mind. Trivial things such as:

• Where did I put that paper with all the information on it for when I need to cancel the internet in May?
• What happens if I can't get the computer for my dissertation presentation to work?
• What time is my presentation on Friday? 3.00 or 3.30?
• Will I be able to keep on top of my work?
• Will I really be able to get 8000 words out of my dissertation topic?
• What are my family's plans for Christmas day and how do I fit into them?
• Will I find a nice man when I'm back in Manchester?
• Why can't I sleep?

And other such issues. In other news, I've made a list. Well, an 'epic life plan' for this week, which is basically a schedule of things I need to do and accomplish that week so I'm ahead of everything. I made one last week and it really worked, I got everything ticked off (except watching Harry Potter VI but that's not fantastically important right now), and it actually really helped. Also, my blood sugar has been pretty good recently. Like not perfect but alright (ideally it should stay between 4 and 7, and I've been getting 7s, 8s and 9s) which is amazing compared to last year when I started to become DKA. Bad times. I'm awfully tired but whenever I turn everyting off I just can't drift off. It's actually probably easier to stay awake now, and maybe have an early night or a siesta. Saying that though, I'll probably drop off at like 6am and sleep until 3pm or something awful like that.

I want to go home. I miss my Dad, I miss my sister, I miss my puppies Molly and Olive. I miss watching endless amounts of Gossip Girl and strange foreign horror films with Chinese takeaway on my sister's bed. I miss being hard to get hold of. I miss living in a house where I don't have to worry about heating or electric . It's only a few weeks until I can go home for Christmas and everything but then I have to come back and all the stress starts all over again. I just want to finish Uni and move back to Manchester for good. I've been thinking that I also need to go back to my old crowd. Not that I don't love my friends here, I really do. They are the best friends I've ever known and they'll always have a part of my life but I miss my college friends. I feel like I've totally neglected them since I started Uni and I don't like it.

I feel like I'm stagnating. Back home everybody is moving on with their lives and making real changes and effort, but here I am at 4.30 in the morning blogging about how much my life sucks like it's some kind of high scool diary. Loser.

I've not been out this past week so my clothes have been mostly just jeans and tees with no particlarly concious effort, just whatever is handy at the time. I did however break out my black calf high boots I got for Christmas a few years back. They're really comfy and snuggley, especially when paired with a mini dress and super thick tights. Diabetes gives me bad circulation so my feet are often cold so it's nice when they're all toasty. Hmm, I may have to go put some socks on now.

Anyway, I really have rambled enough for one night, so I'm going to fall asleep watching King of the Hill. I really need to get season 3. I'll just leave you with a final thought...

Ugh. Now I'm all for cool old people, but this takes the piss. This is just wrong on so many levels. Actually it's not wrong. It's tragic.

Night all

xxx

punk rocks

I just spilt a bit of Horlicks onto the edge of my laptop keyboard, now it's all sticky. That's irrelevant though, to the reason for this blog.

The reason for my doing this blog is for one reason. I love Punk music. Simple. But I mean real, dirty, grimey, drug-addled punk from the 1970s. Not your clean, manufactured, neon pink and black pop-punk Claire's Accessories stuff. I don't know why I love Punk so much, but whenever I listen to anything I get so hyped and so enthused, it's like an electric impulse. I guess it's in my blood. You'll see why later.

Here's my 50 favourite Punk songs playlist. I've tried to include a number of different bands but some do appear a few times, like Ramones. I could make an entire Ramones playlist. Maybe next time. Some are obvious Punk cliches, but I hope there's a couple of ones you won't have heard:

1. * Billy Idol - Dancing with Myself
2. * The Stooges - Gimme Danger
3. * Siouxsie and the Banshees - New Skin
4. * Slaughter and the Dogs - Where Have All The Bootboys Gone? (This song was based on my dad. He used to do security for this band [from my hometown] and was a skinhead in his youth. Truth)
5. * Patti Smith Group - Rock and Roll N****r
6. * The Stranglers - Golden Brown
7. * Ramones - Judy is a Punk
8. * The Runaways - Cherry Bomb
9. * The Stooges - Search and Destroy
10. * The Damned - I Think I'm Wonderful
11. * Dead Kennedys - To Drunk to Fuck
12. * Sex Pistols - Anarchy in the UK
13. * Blondie - Maria
14. * The Buzzcocks - What Do I Get?
15. * New York Dolls - Personality Crisis
16. * The Stooges - I Wanna be Your Dog
17. * The Runaways - I Love Playin' With Fire
18. * Joan Jett & The Blackhearts - Crimson and Clover
19. * The Vibrators - I Kissed a Girl
20. * The Stooges - T.V. Eye
21. * The Runaways - I Wanna Be Where The Boys Are
22. * Stiff Little Fingers - Nobody's Hero
23. * Ramones - I Wanna Sniff Some Glue
24. * Hüsker Dü - Don't Want To Know If You Are Lonely
25. * The Clash - White Riot
26. * The Replacements - Bastards of Young
27. * Stiff Little Fingers - Straw Dogs
28. * The Stranglers - No More Heroes
29. * Ramones - Blitzkreig Bop
30. * Johnny Thunders - Pirate Love
31. * The Rolling Stones - Gimme Shelter
32. * Gang of Four - Natural's Not In It
33. * Generation X - The Valley of The Dolls
34. * MC5 - High School
35. * Ramones - I Wanna be Your Boyfriend
36. * The Rolling Stones - (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction
37. * Wreckless Eric - Whole Wide World
38. * Ramones - Sheena is a Punk Rocker (This never fails to make me dance)
39. * The Buzzcocks - Ever Fallen in Love with Someone
40. * Sex Pistols - God Save the Queen
41. * Ramones - Do You Wanna Dance?
42. * New York Dolls - Looking For a Kiss
43. * MC5 - Sister Anne
44. * Misfits - American Psycho
45. * The Runaways - Dead End Justice
46. * Joan Jett & the Blackhearts - Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah)
47. * Skids - Into The Valley
48. * Iggy Pop - Real Wild Child (Wild One)
49. * Blondie - Atomic
50. * Ramones - My Brain is Hanging Upside Down (This was the first Ramones song I ever heard. I fell in love with Punk because of this song)

I could make this list at least twice as long, but I think 50 songs will suffice, nes pas?

Go forth and rock out.

xxx

"Thought of you as everything, I had but couldn't keep..."

Title: Pale Blue Eyes - The Velvet Underground

Hello! Four days without a post, I'm losing my touch. Actually, I just have so much work to do it's unreal, and when I'm not doing work I feel guilty for not doing it :/

Anyway, the past few days have been fairly uneventful. After I blogged on Friday we ended up going to The Menai (which is a hotel/pub in Upper Bangor) for lunch as Rascals weren't serving food. I had an all day breakfast (I LOOVE full cooked breakfasts) which was delicious. Later on, my housemates and I met up with or friends Amie, Laura and Kim and watched the firework display over the harbour. We got there a bit late and missed half of them but it was still nice none the less. I couldn't sleep that night so I made an 'epic life plan for the next week' and worked out what needed doing each day and so on, I feel better. Saturday was mostly spent doing things around the house. I did my laundry, my washing up, tidied my bedroom and bathroom and did a teensy amount on my midterm for Modern American Drama.

On Sunday I did some work on my dissertation, renewed my library books and did a bit of shopping to get some essentials (Hula Hoops and Cuppa Soups ftw! Actually, I might make a Cuppa Soup in a minute. Mmmm Minestrone :)) I also wanted to watch Harry Potter VI but I never got round to it. Today, well Monday really (it's only just turned Tuesday) I had every intention of getting up early and spending the day up in the library, but I didn't get to sleep until 6am for no apparent reason, so I ended up staying in bed until 11 or something. I went up to the library via Morrisons and saw Sara and Vicky :). I spent ages looking for certain books in the library only to find that I was looking in the wrong bit. I hate that Dewey Decimal system or however you call it. I went to the Doctors to make an appointment then came home and watched the first episode of The Walking Dead. It's pretty awesome. I love zombie stuff. It's made me realise though, that if there were ever to be a zombie apocalypse, I'd totally be eaten or at least zombified. I'm only little and very clumsy. Shame. Despite this grave realisation however, I did get 1014 words done out of my 3500 word midterm. I'm hoping to get 1200 more words later, and then the same on Wednesday so it's out of the way and I can focus on the many other things I have to do. I'm literally taking things a week at a time.

Anyway, as I've not had much of a social life or anything I haven't felt the need to put much effort into my attire. Today I've just been wearing a long sleeved blue top, my trusty denim mini and two pairs of tights to keep me toasty. It's just as well really, I feel really gross and my hair won't do as it's told. If I want it straight it goes kinky, if I want it wavey half of it goes flat. ARGH.

I'm really rather peckish. I want to eat this soooooooooo much

How effing cute is this? It's like a cuppa soup but with real veggies and pasta, and tiny little panda fishcakes (or whatever they are). I envy the Japanese sometimes, with all their awesomeness. Anyway, time to go and get my own sad, pathetic little mug of Minestrone soup and get snuggley in bed.

Night night

xxx

"Everything you dream is right in front of you, and everything is a lie..."

Title: Unsatisfied - The Replacements

In the play Hamlet, the character of Marcellus's first word is 'Hollah'. I just found that particularly interesting.

Well it's been a busy week. As I mentioned a few posts back it was my housemates' birthdays (I don't know how to punctuate that) and a big group of us got dressed and went around Bangor getting drunk. Here's a photo of some of us in the first pub we went to; Rascals (I'm second left):That was a pretty awesome night as both Louise and Becca got utterly trollied, Becca couldn't even remember half the night. Good times. We ended up in Wetherspoons, where myself and Louise's friend Rhian ordered pitchers (Cherry Ochard for me, Frilly Tutu for her) but we still had half left when we were asked to leave, so we decided it would be a good idea to mix the pitchers into one jug and take it home with us, via the smoker's bit. We still have the jug. We also ordered a massive takeaway (double cheeseburger and chips ftw!) the sauce of which ended up on my dress :)

On Wednesday I had a dissertation meeting with my supervisor who decided that my topic was too broad. After mch deliberation we came up with a more unique and defined topic. The working title for it is:

'What is the Significance of Casting in the Films of Martin Scorsese?'

I also found out my presentation for the dissertation is on Friday 19th November at 3.30, which means I can't go and see Harry Potter with my friends that day. I'm also relieved that I don't have to do it in front of the evil director of studies and my personal tutor; Professor Sullivan.

So yesterday I spent the evening finishing my Dissertation Proposal, printing it off, and looking up Chuck Norris Facts when I'd finished.

As for today, I handed in the two copies of my final Proposal then came back home. I'm having lunch with some friends today, Rascals once again, followed by a quick trip to the Doctors. Then I am coming back and sleeping for a few hours. I really need a nap.

Today I'm channelling Kurt Cobain, and also being a total scruff by wearing a breton top, grey jeans and scuffed army boots.

Also, I have a crush on actor James Duval in the 1990s Greg Araki films. Example:See what I mean?

Anyway, I gotta motor if I want to get some lunch.

Talk soon.

xxx