Oh Layne Stanley, your voice fills my soul with a melancholic remembering of something I've never known. Or some shit like that. Anyway, due to lack of sleep this blog is going to be somewhat of a morose one.
The Haiku of an Insomniac
Fucking Mocking Chirping Birds
As I Have Not Slept
Taunt Me With Their Cheerful Twitter
I haven't slept yet. There are many thing floating around my head; keeping me awake and stressing me out. Stupid little niggling things that persistanly linger in the back of mind. Trivial things such as:
- Where did I put that paper with all the information on it for when I need to cancel the internet in May?
- What happens if I can't get the computer for my dissertation presentation to work?
- What time is my presentation on Friday? 3.00 or 3.30?
- Will I be able to keep on top of my work?
- Will I really be able to get 8000 words out of my dissertation topic?
- What are my family's plans for Christmas day and how do I fit into them?
- Will I find a nice man when I'm back in Manchester?
- Why can't I sleep?
And other such issues. In other news, I've made a list. Well, an 'epic life plan' for this week, which is basically a schedule of things I need to do and accomplish that week so I'm ahead of everything. I made one last week and it really worked, I got everything ticked off (except watching Harry Potter VI but that's not fantastically important right now), and it actually really helped. Also, my blood sugar has been pretty good recently. Like not perfect but alright (ideally it should stay between 4 and 7, and I've been getting 7s, 8s and 9s) which is amazing compared to last year when I started to become DKA. Bad times. I'm awfully tired but whenever I turn everyting off I just can't drift off. It's actually probably easier to stay awake now, and maybe have an early night or a siesta. Saying that though, I'll probably drop off at like 6am and sleep until 3pm or something awful like that.
I want to go home. I miss my Dad, I miss my sister, I miss my puppies Molly and Olive. I miss watching endless amounts of Gossip Girl and strange foreign horror films with Chinese takeaway on my sister's bed. I miss being hard to get hold of. I miss living in a house where I don't have to worry about heating or electric . It's only a few weeks until I can go home for Christmas and everything but then I have to come back and all the stress starts all over again. I just want to finish Uni and move back to Manchester for good. I've been thinking that I also need to go back to my old crowd. Not that I don't love my friends here, I really do. They are the best friends I've ever known and they'll always have a part of my life but I miss my college friends. I feel like I've totally neglected them since I started Uni and I don't like it.
I feel like I'm stagnating. Back home everybody is moving on with their lives and making real changes and effort, but here I am at 4.30 in the morning blogging about how much my life sucks like it's some kind of high scool diary. Loser.
I've not been out this past week so my clothes have been mostly just jeans and tees with no particlarly concious effort, just whatever is handy at the time. I did however break out my black calf high boots I got for Christmas a few years back. They're really comfy and snuggley, especially when paired with a mini dress and super thick tights. Diabetes gives me bad circulation so my feet are often cold so it's nice when they're all toasty. Hmm, I may have to go put some socks on now.
Anyway, I really have rambled enough for one night, so I'm going to fall asleep watching King of the Hill. I really need to get season 3. I'll just leave you with a final thought...
Ugh. Now I'm all for cool old people, but this takes the piss. This is just wrong on so many levels. Actually it's not wrong. It's tragic.